


Fried My Little Brains

by le_chat_vilain



Series: The Joker and the Thief [18]
Category: Suicide Squad (2016)
Genre: Angst, Humour, someone's whipped af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 09:15:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5863339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/le_chat_vilain/pseuds/le_chat_vilain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jay and Blaire try and process the new threat bearing down on them, and Jay comes up with a hair brained scheme to kill two birds with one stone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fried My Little Brains

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my god no warnings! Just more plot laying! This is the last of the light hearted fun really before we take a pretty deep dive back into the dark next chapter.
> 
> Musical inspiration: Fried My Little Brains by The Kills

“How did the original trigger serum work?” I ask Crane.

“It was basically an adrenalin boost, maxed out the heart rate triggering cardiac arrest,” he explains. “If left to expire, the initial serum had the same effect.”

A heart attack. Just as the idea presents itself before me, Jay beats me to the punch.

“Pacemakers. Couldn’t we use them to prevent that from happening, even if we got hit by the Compound X?”

“Well yeah, sure, technically…” Jonathan’s voice trails off as I focus on something else: how on earth did Jeremiah survive? I was there, I remember seeing the blood on the floor and the crack in the side of his skull, there’s no way anyone could’ve survived that. I’ve seen Jay take out hundreds of people, but never have I seen any of them that completely eviscerated by the time he’s done with them.

“He injected himself,” I mumble. “That’s how he survived, it’s in his system too.”

“What? Who?” the boys ask me, clearly too caught up in their own conversation to follow my train of thought.

“Arkham. That’s the only way he could have survived that beat down you gave him. Think about it.”

“Which means he must have solved the expiry problem before he got it into our system,” Jay states, catching my drift, the corners of his mouth curling into a grin. I return it in kind with a nod and snap of my fingers.

“A selfish shit cunt like him would never willingly risk his life like that,” I confirm.

“I think someone’s feeling a whole lot better about all of this, aren’t they?” he asks me, sliding over to wrap his arm around my waist and pull me closer with a mischievous smile. He tilts my chin before moving in to kiss me.

“Unless he didn’t use the same batch on all three of you,” Crane pipes up, wearily rising from the chair and shrugging, palms turned to the ceiling and a wince in his tone. Of course, there was always that chance.

“Shit.”

“Well, the pacemakers, they could still work right? As insurance?” I suggest.

“Sure, but it won’t solve the problem. They’ll just keep making those things and shooting you until they get you. I can’t say for sure that it would protect you if you were exposed to multiple doses,” he informs us.

“We need to cut the head off the snake,” Jay asserts, looking me dead in the eye with a twist in his lips.

“I take it you’ve got an idea on how to do that then?” I inquire.

“Baby, you’re gonna love this one,” he tells me. “Johnny, it’s been a pleasure.”

He holsters his weapon makes towards the door, pausing to beckon me with a cock of his head.

“You should probably clean up that gash, Jonathan. Wouldn’t want it to get infected now,” I croon, stretching up onto my toes to plant a kiss on my former doctor’s cheek before following Jay out the door with a wink and a wave. “We’ll be in touch.”

I follow Jay out into the hall, and we make our way home. I nag him the entire way to tell me the plan, but he just laughs at me every time.

“Okay! We’re home! Now tell me!” I demand, shoving him over the back over the couch and sitting on his chest with my arms folded, beaming in anticipation.

“What’s in it for me?” he asks with a wicked smirk.

“Blue balls if you don’t tell me,” I reply, sliding back and pressing my ass against the zipper of his jeans while I stretch my arms over my head and arch my back to flaunt my chest.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Oh, but I would.”

“Yeah, you would,” he concedes. “Okay, fine. I’ll tell you the boring way.”

“Good boy,” I smile at him smugly and plant a chaste kiss on his lips.

“So, the only thing that can kill us is Compound X, or getting our heads cut off, right?” he starts.

“Right.”

“Which means we can assume the same thing applies to him,” he points out.

“I think you’re a bit ahead of yourself, babe, how are we gonna kill him when we can barely get near the guy?” I ask. We always question each other’s plans, always poke holes and play Devil’s advocate for each other. It’s what makes those plans so perfect by the time we carry them out.

“We’re not.”

“We’re not?”

“Nope.”

“Seriously?” Why the fuck not? He’s sure as shit ready to kill us, why wouldn’t Jay want to kill him?

“Seriously.” A darkness takes over his face and a wicked chuckle starts to bubble from deep in his chest. “We’re gonna lock him up in his own looney bin, and old Batsy is gonna help us do it.”

He gives me all the details and he’s right, I do love it. If we can pull it off then it will be nothing short of a masterpiece. But it’s a big if.

“But how are we going to convince them to help us?” I ask him. This plan is going to be a team effort. “I mean Harley owes us one, but Selina, Pam, Zsasz? What makes you think they’ll do it?”

“Victor’s a simple guy, he’ll do it for money. The girls are your problem.”

“I don’t think you know him as well as you think you do,” I inform him of Zsasz.

“Is that so?” he asks, sitting up and raising a brow at me. “Somethin’ you’re not telling me, baby?”

“We’re old friends, he and I. Falcone days,” I lie. I love Jay, and for the most part we have very few secrets between us, but some things just need to be kept to oneself. Things like how during a brief period of time not long after my escape, when I worked for Carmine Falcone, Victor was my partner. Things like the fact that at the best of times, our relationship wasn’t exactly professional, and how it was down right sick at it’s worst. “Just leave him to me. Besides, you don’t know where the passage is.”

He eyes me with suspicion before seeming to buy my explanation.

“Alright then, so you’ll deal with the alliances, suits me,” he shrugs.

“Oh no, the Sirens are your problem.”

“HA! I don’t think so.”

“I do. You’re gonna march your ass in there, and use that…talented, silver tongue of yours to sell them on it,” I murmur, leaning down and peppering a trail of soft kisses along his jawline and down his neck.

“And when Red tries to feed me to her giant plants, what will I do then?” he protests.

“I’m sure you’ll figure something out,” I tell him. If he shows up on their home turf, unarmed and asking for a favour for me, then that alone should be proof that he’s not the man they used to know anymore. Sure, he’s not all that different, but he’s different enough. Harley will make sure they hear him out, I know that for certain, all he has to do is convince them. To say the way he looks at me after this exchange is unimpressed would be a gross understatement, but in his nonplussed study of me there’s a hint of contemplation as well.

“Come on, if you loved me you’d do it…” I whine, barely kissing him and tugging on his bottom lip as I slowly pull away to pout down at him, puppy dog eyes and all. “I’ll let you do the thing?”

“The thing?”

“Yup.”

“You mean you’ll let me-”

“Ah-hah.”

“But…you never let me do the thing,” His face lights up like the Fourth of July before the skepticism creeps in. “The last time I did that thing, you told me if I ever did it again you’d cut my balls off and wear ‘em as earrings.”

“I know.” Every woman worth her salt knows she needs an ace in the hole, something to dangle in front of a man that he just won’t be able to resist reaching out for. You have to make him believe that it’s something precious, something that he can chalk up in the win column so he can get one up on you. Truth be told, I have no problem with taking it in the ass, but he doesn’t know that, and that’s no accident on my part. Of course, if he thought about it for even a second he’d realize it’s pretty strange for someone to be open to everything else I’m into, and yet be totally opposed to anal, but bless his heart he clearly hasn’t. “Well?”

“Honestly I’m still trying to work out if this is a trap,” he admits with a completely puzzled and somewhat worried look on his face.

“Nope, not a trap,” I reassure him with a smile and a shake of my head, and push my ass against his zipper again.

“…You’re lucky I love the thing,” he tells me with a smirk and I grab a cushion and whack him over the head with it before taking his face in my hands and kissing him roughly.

Yeah, I could have dealt with both alliances, but the truth is I don’t have time. We don’t have that kind of time. I glance at the clock – it’ll be almost dark out by now.

“I’m gonna go meet Victor, get it over with,” I sigh, swinging my leg off him and dragging my feet towards the armory to get some supplies, just in case.

“Well in that case I might as well go crash dinner at the Bitchelorette pad then,” he resolves, and I stifle a laugh. It’s always a treat to hear what he’s going to call their place next.

“Play nice, okay?” I caution him, straightening his lapel and slicking back a wayward strand of his hair.

“Since when do I not play nice?” he asks, feigning offence.

“Since always,” I smirk at him and pull him down for a kiss, then turn to leave. “It’s one of my favourite things about you…”

“Be careful,” he calls after me.

“Since when am I not careful?” I jest back, shooting him a glance over my shoulder with a twist in my lips and a glint of mischief in my eye.

He returns it with a raise of his brow and a shake of his head. The roll of the eyes that caps it off tells me that he knows I know the answer to that, and I give him a cheeky wink before heading out into the corridor and on to the mission at hand.


End file.
